Those Three Girls
by Fumiko6318
Summary: Oneshots about Fumiko, Mika, and Hideko, Muse's first three supporters. Possibly connected, possibly not.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1. Fumiko**

When you finally confess to her, she wouldn't know what to say.

"Um... you're the one who does the sound and stuff, right? What was your name again?", Honoka would say, touching the corner her lips with her index finger. Of course she knew your name, but she wouldn't know how else to stall for time. Not many of her admirers knew how awkward she could be. She would look at you, and she would blush, and shift her gaze towards her shoes, the walls, anything but your face. This would be the first confession she's ever received (and the first one you've ever given) and she wouldn't know what to do. Not that you would be any better.

"My name is Fumiko, remember?", you would say, trying your hardest to not seem too nervous. Of course you would be shaking on the inside. "I've been watching you since the year started, and I think I've fallen in love with you. I've always admired your passion and your energy, but more than that I... I just enjoy being around you, and I need your presence and I can't live without you!" Few people knew how melodramatic you could be sometimes. Honoka would soon find out.

You were supposedly a part of Muse, working mostly with Maki and Umi on the technical side, but the world the nine official members inhabited was a different one from yours. You and your two best friends Mika and Hideko worked in the background, sharing all the labor but none of the glory. That was fine for you and your friends, because you weren't the type to be idols. None of you cared about credit or screaming fans; the pleasure of helping Muse out was enough.

You loved being around the members of Muse, but you loved being around Honoka most of all; after all, she was the one who first brought you into the world of school idols. She was everything you were not. She was energetic and passionate, and had an aura that drew people towards her. She cared about her friends more than herself, and despite her lazy veneer she could work harder than anyone else. And also, she was pretty cute. You don't remember exactly when your feelings of admiration for Honoka had effortlessly slid into love, but you do remember when you were no longer content to sit on the sidelines.

Mika and Hideko would tell you to confess. What's the worst that could happen, they would say. It's fine if she says no, we'll always be here for you. You would agonize for weeks before they would finally push you in front of her. When you finished confessing and she told you to wait a few days, your friends would be there to support you, to tell you that everything would be fine and you were a beautiful person no matter what she would say. You would be happy to have them.

When she finally says yes, you would be overjoyed. Hideko, always the realistic one, would tell you that she only said that she wanted to try going out for a while. The two of you weren't "officially" girlfriends yet. Still, it might be one of the happiest days of your life. At least you would be given a chance. You would make that airhead fall in love with you.

Your first date would be at a cute little cafe not too far from the school. She would never have been there, so you would order for the both of you. Of course she would spill the beans to her friends, so all eight of them would be there, wearing face masks and sunglasses like a bunch of stalkers. You would pretend to not notice them, but you would sometimes hear their whispering. It would be a little distracting. Your own friends were a bit more discreet. They would be content to just wait nearby.

The two of you would talk about yourselves. It would be worrying how little you knew about each other, but this would be an opportunity to rectify that. You would tell her about how you met Mika and Hideko in elementary school, and how you were always interested in music and got them interested too. You were a total nerd when it came to music, so Honoka would tell you to slow down, and you would both laugh. She in turn would tell you about her family and her childhood friends and Muse, and she would gossip about the Muse members, as the whispers from the crowd nearby would grow more indignant.

The first date went well, you would tell your friends after it was all over. You would be giddy the whole night and into the next day, unable to stop smiling whenever you thought of her. Your friends would tease you about it, of course, and you would laugh when they say they're afraid you wouldn't need them any more. Honoka would see you in the halls, and the two of you would smile and hold hands. Umi would clutch at her chest and look away, and Kotori would awkwardly wave at you. You would wave at them too.

Over time you would go on more dates, and become closer to each other than ever before. The other eight members of Muse would gradually accept your relationship, as it would become clear that you were helping Honoka with staying on task. Your friends would look upon you with admiration and some jealousy. The two of you would be positive forces for each other. She would be the wind pushing you forward, and you would be the shelter amidst her storm. At some point you would start to call her your girlfriend, and she would call you the same.

One day would come when the two of you are alone at your house. You would be the one to initiate. You would kiss her, first gently and then more deeply as she draws you closer. How do two girls do it, she would ask. You would laugh because you _knew_ how two girls did it. Research was one thing you were good at, and you were ashamed that you've conducted great deal of _research_. Still, in the heat of the moment, all that would fade away, and the two of you would do whatever came naturally. Your touches covered every spot of her body, and she made you feel things you could never experience in your _research_. Afterwards, not much would change. Everyone always said that this would be a major milestone, but to you it just seemed so natural.

After Muse disbands and the third years graduate, she would come to rely on you more and more. She would miss the excitement of being a school idol, and she would miss her friends. You would be there for her whenever she felt purposeless or lonely. You would join her in coaching her sister and the next generation of school idols, and you would reprise your role as support, along with Mika and Hideko. While they would never be Muse, they would do quite well for themselves, with the help of everyone who came before them. You would stand with Honoka as she beamed in pride at her sister. Her sister Yukiho would accept you as part of her life. Even her parents (and yours) would bless the relationship between you two.

When the time came for you to graduate, there would be no tearful goodbyes between you and her. The two of you would attend the same university, even though you had been admitted to a better one far away. She would worry that she was dragging you down, but you would have none of that. Being with the one you love is the most important thing of all, you would say. Besides, this university had the program you most wanted. You would study audio engineering, and she would study business. After graduating, the two of you would plan to start your own music production company to bring to reality the dreams of aspiring idols everywhere. Your old friends and some of the old Muse members would join you and Honoka.

The company would be a great success, but you would want something more. You wanted to start a family with Honoka. Of course two women couldn't have children by themselves yet, but there was always adoption, or sperm donors. The laws would change to make all of that legal. You and her would have two children; you would carry one child, and Honoka would carry the other child. Taking care of children would be difficult, of course, but also rewarding. She would be the energetic mom who took the kids everywhere, while you would be the quiet, collected mom who would be there for the kids when they were down. Both of you would share your loves for music with them, but if they wanted to do something else, that would be fine too. What would be important is to let them become the best people they could ever be.

The two of you would already have been married by then, of course. Your marriage would be a joyous occasion. You would invite Mika and Hideko, and she would invite all the members of Muse, not to mention your families. You would laugh, and you would cry. It would be the happiest day of your life so far, and the symbol of more happy days yet to come. So why would you cry so much, when there was so much happiness ahead of you? You would break down in tears, and everyone would rush towards you with worried expressions on their faces. But why?

* * *

"It's okay, it's okay. Whatever happened, it's okay."

The feeling of Mika's fingers through your hair brings you back to reality. She had undid your ponytail, and is now gently massaging your scalp as you lie in her lap.

You and your two best friends had grown apart after graduation. No, it had started earlier, in your final year. It was all too easy: one unanswered message, a call not returned, pretending to be too busy. They were both married now, you think. They have their own families, their own lives, lives that you were shut out of. Lives that you watched pass by, never interrupting. It was a miracle that you met Mika at the store. After you saw her, all the emotional dams that you've been holding up for ten years broke free. You collapsed in tears, and she carried you back to your apartment. She still cares about you, and you were happy for that.

You think back to Honoka. Where is she now? You have heard conflicting rumors. She is engaged to a man. She is in a relationship with Umi or Kotori or both, or maybe Tsubasa from A-Rise, or all of them at the same time. She is living with Maki in America. She is a director at a major corporation. Wherever she is, it isn't with you. She lives in a different world from you. She always has. She was an idol, and you were support. She drew people towards her, and you pushed them away. She achieved her dreams, and you're living alone in a six-tatami apartment in a run-down building in the cheapest district of Tokyo. Why the hell would she ever have wanted to be with you? It was ridiculous that you even imagined living your whole lives together.

"Do you want to tell me what's wrong?", Mika asks you.

You shrug. It's as if you've forgotten how to have a conversation. "Um, it's complicated."

"Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?" she asks again. She no longer has her old girlish pigtails, instead letting her hair grow to her shoulder. She's grown up. She's left you behind.

"I don't know what to talk about," you manage to say. You were always bad at talking to people, but when did you become this terrible?

"Then, excuse me, but I have to go now," Mika says. She moves you off her lap and onto your futon. "I left my contact info on the table. If you want to talk or need anything, just call me." Stepping over piles of junk, she carries her groceries and reaches the door.

"Why? Stay with me," you say. "I really care about you. I love you." What did you mean by that? You don't even know. You haven't known what you were doing for a while.

She only smiles at you wistfully. "Sorry, but my kids are waiting." With a wave, she leaves.

You're left alone. You should be used to it by now, but it hurts every time. Being with someone you care about just makes the moments when you're alone all the more painful. Should you call Mika, you wonder. How can you talk to her when you can't even face yourself? What would you even talk about? Your stupid crush on some stupid girl from ten years ago that you never ever got over? How you completely screwed up your relationships with all your friends? The way you abandoned your dreams to have a stable life, and then failed at having a stable life anyway?

You wish that for once, you could be the main character of your own story.

* * *

A/N:

This is my first fanfiction ever and I have no idea what I'm doing. Also ugh this is really angsty. Sorry...

I've always had a weird attachment to side characters, even (especially?) ones with no established personalities. Fumiko's personality is completely made up by me, so she might as well be an OC?

I'm going to sail the FumiHono ship and no one will stop me.


	2. Chapter 2: Mika

The past used to be all you had. The past was a place you could retreat to when everything was going wrong, when you felt like there was nothing you could do to escape the pain all around you. When you met Fumiko and Hideko at the start of your time at Otonokizaka, you finally started to understand what it felt like to have a present, to have something to look forward to every day, to have a reason to wake up and go to school and keep on trudging through the days. They were your best friends, maybe the first friends you've ever had.

When you met Honoka and Muse, that was when you first understood what it meant to have a future. You watched them work towards their future, with so much energy and passion and love, and you wondered why. You wondered why she kept moving forward, why she continued on despite all the adversity she faced. For you she represented hope, a world that could be rather than the world that was. It was kind of ridiculous looking at it ten years back, but you were all naive back then.

* * *

Your job in Muse was set design. Preparing the stage, setting up the lights, making sure everything was where it needed to be. Getting the aesthetics of a live show right was harder than anyone would imagine, especially since the best designs were seamless, unnoticeable amidst the costumes and music. Everything had to match perfectly. Nothing could stand out.

You were backstage after Muse's live show at UTX. It turned out that they didn't need your help, with all of UTX's professional staff, but at least you hoped your moral support was enough to justify your presence.

"Is it time for your fortune telling, Mika?" Nozomi winked at you and smiled. She was teaching you tarot card reading. It was pretty fun, to be honest, even if you were pretty slow at it. It was hard to remember what the cards all meant, and it was even harder since Nozomi insisted on speaking in vague metaphors all the time. Still, you tried to learn.

"Um, sure!", you replied, beaming.

She pulled a deck out of a hidden pocket. "I'll do a three card spread, telling your past, present and future. Now, for the past. It's the Tower. Do you know what this means?"

"Um, it's something bad, right?" You still didn't know much about tarot, even though you had been doing this with Nozomi for a while now. The way she deftly spun the cards into stories, that was something amazing, something you had never been able to imitate.

"Yes. They say it's the most... inauspicious of all cards. Has something happened to you before?"

You think back to your past, the life you had before you came to Otonokizaka, before you met Fumiko and Hideko and Muse. A life without color.

Nozomi looked at you with a serious expression. "The cards won't tell you what you already know. Sometimes they don't tell you the literal truth, but something deeper. Think about that."

"Okay... So what is next?"

"For the present, it's the three of wands, reversed." It was a person in robes, standing atop a cliff and looking away from the edge.

"Another minor arcana?" You could never remember the meanings of these cards.

"Facing away from danger, perhaps? A hope for the future? Promises, on the edge of being fulfilled or unfulfilled? Can you think of anything that you're waiting for?"

"Um..." You thought for a moment. You didn't think much about the future, but the present? All that was happening was the passage of time, the reminder that someday this would end, that someday your life would have to change. "Can we move to the next one?"

"So impatient. And for the future, it's the Sun, reversed. Can you guess what this means from the picture?"

"Well, that's a sun all right... and is that a baby?"

"You're right. The Sun usually symbolizes a happy family life, and children. But since this is reversed, you might still have children in your future, but it might not be as idyllic as you hope."

"Oh. Is that good or bad then?"

"I don't know." Nozomi shrugged. "Remember that the cards don't actually tell you your fate. They're just mirrors for your own desires, your own wishes. That's what truly decides your fate. What do you want for the future?"

What did you want? Did you even know? The present was enough for you. The future was something that didn't even exist, so why waste time thinking about it?

"Well, I want to be with my friends, I guess?"

Nozomi smiled. "I'm sure you will, as long as you keep them in your heart."

* * *

His screams wake you up.

You roll over and turn on the lamp. It's three AM and the baby is bawling for no reason again. You overcome your lethargy and pick him up. Your husband is not in the room, as usual. He can't stand the pre-dawn tantrums. You only blame him a little. To think that the two of you went through so much trouble to conceive a child, only for it to come down to this. But it is only natural, right? Don't all families go through this?

You wanted to have a child, and so did he, so it was unfortunate that you couldn't directly have a child together. You hadn't known about sperm banks before, but he introduced you to a whole new world. He even offered to carry the child, but you wouldn't let him.

The baby's cries soften as you gently rock him back and forth. His diaper isn't wet, a relief. As he falls back asleep you put him back into the crib. You can't fall back asleep yourself. Instead you let your mind wander, taking you places you'll never reach again. You imagined yourself back in high school, back in those days when you still had your dreams that no one could dissuade. You weren't an idol yourself, but you did support them, and that was good enough. You were friends with two losers who were the two most wonderful losers you could ever have been friends with. It's no use thinking about the past, thinking about what could have been, you try to remind yourself. It's no use. Nothing is of any use. The baby is asleep and you aren't and you can't think of anything else.

* * *

You felt as if you had to treasure every moment you spent with your friends, lest they fly away.

"If they're the Muses, then what are we?", Fumiko asked, more to herself than anyone else. "We must be the three Fates."

"What do you mean?", Hideko asked.

"The three Fates. Clotho the weaver. Lachesis the allotter. Atropos the shearer. They are the three goddesses responsible for deciding the date of each human being. Deciding when they live and die."

"Um, isn't that a bit dark?", you told her.

Fumiko smiled in her weird crooked way. "Maybe. But it's an interesting idea, isn't it? Which one are you? I think I'm Lachesis. You're Clotho probably, and Hideko is Atropos."

"So I'm the one who kills people?", Hideko questioned, frowning. "Is that like the grim reaper?"

"No! It's more complicated than that." Fumiko began her explanation of Greek mythology. "Well, maybe the mythologies have similar origins, but it's more like, um, a physical manifestation of the passage of time. Like the three of us are not really different people but actually part of the same goddess and, um,..."

"Okay, cut it out," Hideko interjected. "Aren't we supposed to be studying for the English exam?"

"Hey, this is English! I mean, it's European mythology so it might as well all be-"

"No, it's not. And as far as I know I'm the only one who's going to pass English this term. So you-" she pointed at Fumiko, "and you-" she pointed at you, "need to be studying right now."

"Okay," Fumiko grumbled. She closed her mythology encyclopedia and took out her English textbook. You did the same.

In the end you must have failed that test no matter what Hideko tried. English was never your strong suit.

* * *

You were the one who proposed. He was too uncertain, too vacillating. His parents had long since stopped speaking to him. He was lost in life, and so were you. So you took the opportunity, to find your places in life together.

Your life is good, you tell yourself. You have everything you need. You have everything you've ever wanted.

What have you always wanted? Did you even know? Do you even remember? Back in high school when they asked you to fill interest forms, what had you put down? When you had read the tarot cards with Nozomi, what had you wished for?

* * *

You remember when you first met Fumiko, at your first-year orientation at Otonokizaka so many years ago. You had just moved back in with your aunt's family, back in Tokyo after so many years. The girl was standing near the door to the auditorium, seemingly catatonic as she stared at the ground in front of her. No one else paid her any notice. "Hey. What's up?", you said as you approached her, waving your hand in front of her face. She looked up, and stared at you, mouth open. You forced a smile. "Come on. Let's go inside." Taking her by the hand, you led her into the auditorium. "You can call me Mika, by the way." It would be a while before she said a word, but she must have been getting more comfortable.

You two met Hideko not soon after. Everyone had to form groups of three for some activity, and she was the only one left, along with you two. It was an odd group, and it wasn't as if the three of you had anything in common except for being the three leftovers. The three leftovers. That was a good name for your trio, now that you think about it. When you signed on as unofficial advisors to Muse you were hardly given any acknowledgment, barely even a shout out. You were not bitter, certainly not. You were some kind of friends with Honoka and the rest of them, and that was what you agreed on.

* * *

"We're going to be friends forever, right?", Fumiko asked, holding your hand with her left and Hideko's hand with her right. "No matter who else we become friends with, who we marry, where we move to, we'll always be friends, right?"

Fumiko was the sentimental one among your trio. She would be the first one who left you behind.

"That's impossible," Hideko replied. She was the straightforward one, the realistic one who would leave Japan on a whim and a dream. "Nothing lasts forever. We have to move on without dwelling on the past."

Muse had disbanded. The third years had graduated. Otonokizaka would remain, and the three of you would remain for one more year, but everything else was gone. It was as if your future had graduated along with Muse.

"But why?", Fumiko continued. "Why can't it last forever, or as long as we care about each other? If the bonds between us are strong enough-"

"People change. We all have our own goals. I want to go into science, you want to do music. Come on, you aren't the same person you were just two years ago."

Tears had started to form in Fumiko's eyes. "Why? Why does it have to end?"

"Oh, come on. Sorry." Hideko put her arm around Fumiko's shoulders. "I didn't mean it like that. We're still friends. We'll keep being friends however long you want. Is that okay?"

Fumiko shook her head. "What do you say, Mika? Do you think we can be friends until... ?"

"I think-"

What did you say? Did you say anything? Or did you silently observe the dialogue between the two, shrinking back as if the threads connecting you to them had already been cut?

In the end it didn't matter what you said.

* * *

It was a total coincidence that you happened to see Fumiko at the store.

When was the last time you talked to either of them? Last you heard Hideko was living in Hawaii with her American girlfriend. She was always determined to do whatever her heart desired. Fumiko just sort of disappeared from beneath your nose. She was always quiet, and never liked to make a big deal of herself.

Fumiko was sitting alone on a bench in the mall, crying. Except her face was buried in her hands, so no one could see that she was crying, but it was obvious to you. You had never seen her in such a mess before, not even when you saw her standing by herself during orientation. You barely recognized her, but her face was unmistakable. So, you tried to comfort her as best as you could. You took her to her apartment, and cleaned her apartment out as she slept and cried. It was the least you could do for your best friend. She was suffering and you would be there for her, because you couldn't stand to see your friend suffer.

She never told you why she was crying. Is there always a reason, though? Does there always have to be a reason why people cry? Can't you just cry because you feel like it sometimes?

Seeing Fumiko had awakened a longing in your heart that you didn't know you had. You remembered the memories of years long past, of friends long disappeared, of a world long gone. You remember the Fates, cutting the threads that existed between you and her, cutting the threads that tied you to the past.

You return home, to the bedroom. The baby is at day care. The husband is at work. You should be at work too, but you've called in sick.

Shuffling the papers on your desk, you notice at your tarot deck, and draw a card, kicking up a cloud of dust that glistens under the slots of sunlight let in through the blinds. It's the three of swords, reversed. You've long forgotten what the cards meant, but the imagery is striking. Three swords piercing a single heart. The three of you, united in love, united in loneliness, united in happiness and in misery.

What if the three of you are reunited once more? Would they want to? Would you want to? What would be the point? Why not just let the past lie buried, and not try to revive something long dead? No, it isn't over, not yet. You never even had a chance to say goodbye. Tears begin to fill your eyes. It isn't just nostalgia, a longing for a past that will never return, but rather...

You look up Hideko's contact information online. It's surprisingly easy to find. She's a postdoctoral associate in physics at some famous American university, living her dreams, you suppose. You try to draft a email, but the words don't come. Write and delete, write and delete. By the time you press "Send" you can already hear the baby's screams as your husband tries to deal with him. Now you close the computer and head to the other room. Now it's time to return to the present, to ward away your anxiety and your longing heart.

Everything will end someday, but maybe that day hasn't yet arrived.


End file.
